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Quick Retcon Section
The stew pot Glim forgot to tip over is now out to kill us. I don’t remember what brought this up, or what this was about, but it was in the notes.
Gorvil’s genderless children – We weren’t told their genders. Not like it matters. The only important detail is that there was two of ‘em. And they totally weren’t scared, they were simply in awe about how rad of a dude Thirteen is.
Falk Crew – 50 year old Skeltia (Asian) human male; butcher at Crew Cuts.
Locations of Interest
Golden House – Gorvil’s store.
Crew Cuts – It’s a butcher shop. Want to know more? No. Why? Cause Falk Crew! That’s why.
Cleaf Cleavers – Doran’s butchery.
Rohnas Roast – Some other butchery.
Bird Nest – Doran’s home with a secret stash of money under the bed.
What Our Mission Is For the Next Campaign
To go back to Doran’s home, steal some money, maybe burn it down, AND TO KILL HIS PRECIOUS BIRDS!
Edgar – Gorvil’s heart
Doran – 2 Gold for 2 pounds of Pork Chops from Glim….come on man. That’s like, extortion pricing.
The Short Notes
Before the gang left, Cloudfang gave Astor his sick ass magic item from his pocket of holding, which was a pretty sweet item in a list of pretty sweet items.
The gang leaves the hideout to go check out Gorvil. While out on the streets, the gang notices a ton of extra guards out and about talking to people. This is probably due to that rumored tavern fire that went down that the gang totally didn’t have anything to do with and how dare you accuse any one of us without a lawyer present you elitist gnome pigs.
Btw, before leaving the hideout, Edgar totally cleaned up. Cause, you know. Char. Ash. Scorched marks.
We make it to the not Jewish jeweler and we can see the smoke in the distance from the supposed burned down tavern. Look. Pics or it didn’t happen. The jewel shop is known as the Golden House. Astor suggests we walk in and have everyone leave, have Glim flip the close sign and prevent entry, while Astor does his negotiation thing. We all enter and see the snively little man gnome and a couple looking at a case of jewelry. Wait, this is a gnome town, and a gnome establishment. So Edgar had to crouch walk on in here. Honestly though. you would think that being a cultural center of the world, home of the worlds’ government union that they would have made like, city wide ordinance to be more inclusive to all the other races.
Anyways, Astor tells Gorvil to kick out the governments in the nicest way possible, which didn’t work out, so Astor told Gorvil he would kick his family jewels so hard they would be coughed out of his mouth. Cause intimidation always works. And it did. Cause it ALWAYS does. Glim does his job watching the front, while Thirteen was all like, “Guys I have this sick new rad power that totally tells me there’s an exit in the back. I should like maybe check it out,” and the entire gang was just in awe at this incredible glorious power and totally want to be best buds with Thirteen cause he is absolutely the coolest guy in town. Who wouldn’t won’t to be friends with that guy!?! Astor agrees, and Thirteen goes to check out the back. BUT WAIT! Gorvil was making up an excuse about how he only has family in the back, but Thirteen totally saw through this, but Gorvil was like, “but no seriousness bro.” Thirteen takes Gorvil to the back and…. Huh, who thought Gnomes could be even smaller. Two gnomish kids, which Gorvil claims to be his and that he is a single dad, were playing and stopped, starring in awe at the man that is Thirteen. “Whoa,” they thought. “That guy is the incarnation of cool. I totally wish I was cool like that.” Gorvil approaches a small safe in the back and after he fiddled around with it a bit, he retrieves a small bag. We go back to the main room.
By the way, at this point I would like to remind you that Gorvil owes us 150 gold, and Doran the Butcher owes us 100 gold. Cause, you know, a jeweler makes more money than a butcher, but apparently only 50% more. People would rather have the meat then the diamond in this town if you know what I’m saying.
Gorvil hands the bag to Astor, who then checks the bag out and sees 10 platinum coins and 50 gold coins. Astor then pulls a fast one on Gorvil, “Now about that late fee. You heard about that tavern?”
Whoa. That’s serious. Astor almost totally just totally incriminated himself to this Jeweler.
Edgar at this point takes on face duty, because you know. Edgar wants to be Astor and Astor wants to be Edgar. Almost like they were designed by greater beings to do similar roles, but then the divine beings realized they wanted to do the other one’s role. Simple life things really. But yah. Edgar squats down arm on Gorvil shoulder. He really got to know the guy. Apparently Gorvil was a fisher, helped his father, who was a fisher. He fished out a random ass dude from the water, saved his life. Became friends with the man until he died, who apparently left a ton of money to Gorvil. So Gorvil followed his dreams, of becoming a dancer.
…Look, about earlier. I wasn’t implying anything sexual, just Gnomes really like to eat. That’s why the butcher makes a ton of money that’s almost on par with a jeweler.
Gorvil wasn’t a very good dancer, so he followed his second dream, becoming a jewelry store owner. Really solid dream right there. Edgar suggests that Gorvil should pay the guild in gems if he ain’t got coins. He then takes two rings out from Gorvil’s shop, puts one on his finger, the others on Gorvil’s. “In my culture, this is a very important tradition. We’re married now. And if you try to get a divorce, I’ll burn your house down.” Gorvil. Is. Absolutely. Smitten.
YAY! Edgar found happiness! Good for you buddy.
Gorvil retrieves 7 uncut gems that are roughly worth 50 gold and hands them to Edgar. Edgar than reveals he’s just joking about the whole marriage things and returns the ring. It was one big metaphor. Except the burning the house down thing. Gorvil better stay in line. But don’t worry Gorvil. You guys are still my OTP.
As we leave, Gorvil runs after us, asking Astor, who was in the back, when the next payment was. Astor establishes a bi-weekly. As in, every two weeks, not twice in one week. Cause Bi-weekly means multiple things.
We head to our armor shop hideout to discuss how to approach Doran the Explorer of Meat. Astor suggests we do a little research first. Wants to find out if he has a family or pet, something we can use as leverage. Glim wants to check out the shop. Astor is going to stalk the man after he gets off work to find out where he lives. Edgar and Thirteen check out other establishments nearby, like taverns that might get their meat from Doran. WOOOOO GETTING WASTED!!!!
Glim ended up getting to the shop as it is about to close. He looked around, got a lot of valuable information, primarily that the place is decorated in 50 shades of green, white, and black. He also got tricked into buying 2 pounds of pork chops for kind of a lot of money. Astor, who was outside, notices a couple of guards roll on by and were heading to Glim’s location, an alleyway near the butcher shop. He get’s question about the tavern and he somehow gets out (note: no notes really on this part cause who cares about Glim, Astor was doing something more important).
Astor and Tiki follow the butcher to his home. Edgar and Thirteen go to the bar and Edgar spots an interesting man he wants to talk to. The man is named Falk Crew, and he’s a butcher! Edgar asks about the other butchers around, and he talks a bit about Doran, talking about his shop and about how its quality meat, but too expensive. Edgar and Thirteen then leave.
We all head back to the HQ, except Glim who thinks that we will always meet back up at the armor shop. After awhile, he heads on back and cooks his two pounds of meat. Cloudfang is currently in with his door open, which is a clear invitation to go inside! The gang gives him a status report and Gorvil’s pay. Thirteen’s hat tells him that there is a secret exit in Osgo’s room, which is kind of suspicious, but also makes sense as this is a Thieves Guild.
Everyone goes to sleep. Everyone then wakes up. Simple.
Glim remembers that the shop opens up and closes from 8am to 7pm. The gang comes up with the plan to head for Doran’s home to dig up some dirt. But we left our shovels back at base so instead we’re just going to jump the fence and do a little B and a little E. Astor stays outside as a lookout while everyone else goes in. Nothing of importance, just two birds and a bed on top of a secret hole. The boys move the bed, check out the hole and managed to get it open and my dear lord. It’s a butt load of money. We close it up and put the scene back together while also snatching some bird seeds. These two things will be used as leverage. Knowing that he has a shit ton of secret money, and bird seeds. Oooooooh yah. Bird seeds. The greatest leverage tool.
We head to Doran’s shop. We have a small bit of small talk, but Doran is a tease, so he just straight up attacks us for no good reason (note: he has plenty of good reasons).
We beat the living shit out of him. Bad news, he threw something and intentionally broke his window to cause a scene. Good news, we force him into the back room. Bad news, someone checks on him. Good news, he snitches on us. Wait, I meant bad news on that one. The good news is Astor got one final blow on Doran, killing him before we ran away. Wait, I meant bad news, the final blow didn’t kill Doran. Man. This guy did 0 damage and was able to take like, 4 solid hits. Almost like his stats are 0/5 or something…
As the boys escape, they be-line for Doran’s house. Now, I ain’t saying anything, but these boys are known to light fires. So a house might be burned down. Who knows. Nothing is guaranteed in life except that life will eventually end. Death comes for us all. It’s up to you, the individual, to make the most out of life so that when Death comes to your door, you can greet him with open arms as a friend, knowing sure as hell that your life couldn’t have been better. And where ever you’re going can possibly have more random ass fire than the fire that we caused. Cause we’re burning this place down.
And we are killing his birds. With one stone. Two birds with one stone. It’s the goal. But someone will probably roll a 1 and end up killing two Astors instead.
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