The Untold History of Inoa

Session 2.14 - The Final Heist

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09/25/2018 Session

Quick Retcon Section

Nothing really retconned.

Interesting People

No new people.

Locations of Interest

No new locations of interests.

What Our Mission Is For the Next Campaign

There is no “next mission.” The game is over man.

Swindler’s List

The Gang – Some good old paintings and a rug.

The Short Notes

Actual short notes.

We fucking had a successful heist.

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Session 2.13 - Inside the Haunted Mansion! But not the one that has Mario trapped in a painting, and not that one with Eddie Murphy. This is the Haunted Mansion where the ghosts and spooky zombies were invited in.

Ghosts and zombies being code word for rich, noble pricks, and not real ghosts. But real zombies, cause a necromancer is totes on the third floor.


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08/28/2018 Session

Quick Retcon Section

Apparently the gang is looking for paintings by a specific artist.

In-game Time

Session Started:

  • date: April 13th
  • Lunar phase: Last Quarter

Session Ended:

  • date: April 19th
  • Lunar phase:

Interesting People

Yexim Uumop – Pat’s servant contact buddy, in charge of Poker Night; Turned Kobold Activist.

Other Poker Players Turned Kobold Activist:

  • Koja – guard
  • Fenna – guard
  • Bilbar – servant
  • Selza – servant
  • Sellman – servant

Locations of Interest

Third Floor of the Manor – It’s a place

What Our Mission Is For the Next Campaign

Kill everyone inside the manor, including the guests (which includes Kefka), throwing the entirety of the nobility balance of Kadena totally out of whack and removing all adventurers who could potentially be a thorn in our side in the future, and become the ultimate body of chaos in the world. How will we accomplish this? Seal the doors and light that bad boy up. Every good story has symmetry. We started the adventure with a fiery bang, thus, we end with a fiery bang.

Lol jk just explore the 3rd floor bro.

Swindler’s List

Nothing stolen

The Short Notes

Good evening and welcome to WHOSE ADVENTURE LOG IS IT ANYWAY! In today’s story we have:

  • I’m going to force mayonnaise down your throat and you’re like it; Glim “Glitternose” Nim Nigel III!
  • The man of many faces because he doesn’t like his own; Edgar Nyton!
  • He doesn’t have a tongue, but he still knows how to work it, if you know what I’m saying, Alexander “13” Thornburge!
  • The MVB, most valuable Bird, Tiki!
  • And last and most certainly least, Astor Lynewood!

I’m your host, Mysterious Divine Writer. Come on down! Let’s have some fun!


Hello! Welcome to Whose Adventure Log is it Anyways, the story where everything is made up and the Monir Points don’t matter. Yep, just like all the planning sessions. If you haven’t read the adventure log before, it’s a story where we go over these guys exploits and life as thieves based off suggestions from the GM. At the end of the session, I give out points, but who cares the points don’t matter. Really I just pick out the person I liked the best and then they get to do something special with me.

For our first game of the night; Immediate retcon! The boys joked about Tiki, who was totes blasted to smithereens last time, possibly being revived into a new form and explored the ideas of a cup. Why? Who knows, it doesn’t matter. 50 MONIR POINTS REWARDED TO TIKI!

For our second game, Quick Maths! For reference, the gang starts the session off debating Astor’s plan, which is the following:

  • Astor, disguised, gets past the perimeter by the side entrance guarded by Muriel.
  • Disguised as a servant, or someone allowed to go upstairs, Astor will go upstairs.
  • He will then find a place to free everyone, who are currently hiding in the bag of holding, which he is carrying
  • ???
  • Profit
    The Gang only has 5 minutes of air in the bag.

Astor sends Tiki to scout the actual size of the grounds, and notes its about 2,000 ft from the gate to the manor itself. Running at top speed, it takes about 2.666667 minutes for Astor to get to the house itself. So, it seems the above plan isn’t good enough.

So now the gang is debating if it will be better to use Tiki to fly the bag in, seeing as Tiki is strong enough to fly with the bag, but be encumbered. The gang then research how familiars work and realize that Tiki can receive commands from 100 ft, but vanishes if more than 5 miles away from Astor, which is good enough. The new plan is to have Tiki carry the bag to a balcony, Astor then runs all the way over to 100 ft of the balcony while invisible thanks to some of Glim’s dust, that he may or may not be able to create on his own now, give Tiki the command to dump everything, and then meet us up on the second floor. 22 MONIR POINTS FOR TIKI!

Lets move on to our next game, we will need all the players, and special guest Clement to come on down for everybody’s favorite, Scenes from a Hat! How this game works, before the log we have members of our table write out suggestions for scenes the performers have to act out and we’re starting with Drunk Bastard at Magical Chili’s!

The gang learns that Clement isn’t on the best of terms with his family and tends to hang out with some co-workers after work at local taverns, including Magical Chili’s! Edgar disguises himself as a waiter while Clement is at Chili’s and gives him a magical note disguised as a shopping list by Astor. The note tells him to meet at the back of Divine Applebee’s for a business propositions. He didn’t show up. Meanwhile, Thirteen goes out to buy those googles of night seeing cause apparently 5e has pseudo-strict rules on how minimal light has to be.

Edgar than takes Thirteen to Clement’s manor….or hut, whatever. He isn’t living a good rich life. Thirteen really didn’t want to go and rather sit and space out at his table back at base, but Edgar insist that Thirteen come along, so Thirteen follows along, because its always best to just say yes in improv. Clement has low quality furnishing, which Thirteen detects no magic in. Edgar picks up a random book and sits in a chair and begins to read. He also set up some mood lighting cause he wants to get in on tonight.

Clement stumbles in sometime later in the night. Edgar tries to have some small talk with him, it basically goes no where cause Clement wants to live an honest life and then they have a conversation on morality and religion. Clement worships Shantaea, the half-genie fertilizer goddess. Eventually, after a few good rolls, Clement decides to listen to what Edgar wants and then eventually agrees to help if we do 4 things for him:

  • He wants money
  • He wants to see Edgar’s face, but not Thirteen. Almost like he didn’t see Thirteen.
  • He wants us to pick up a box of wine from the house
  • He wants us to help get his girl back.

Edgar agrees to show him his face, and then he tells us more about this box of wine, called Blood and Honey, back. Thirteen, during this time, notes that this hasn’t been a pleasure encounter and was debating on casting Zone of Truth on everyone so we could get honest information and to have a little fun with Edgar, but then decides he can have more fun with Edgar by simply asking “How much money did you want?” After hearing this beautiful question, Clement ask how much we got, and Thirteen replied with a simple Tree Fiddy. Then, disappointed by the total, he asks Edgar how much he has, who attempted to say he had no more than Thirteen, but apparently, as the groups face, is bad at doing face stuff and failed the lie and had to pay 700. Cause some how the GM and Clement decided Tree Fiddy meant three hundred fifty, but Thirteen didn’t care cause he’s loaded as fuck and seeing Edgar have to pay some extra cash made him smile a little bit, though you couldn’t see it since Thirteen still had his mask on over his mouth cause Clement didn’t ask to see it. 68 POINTS TO CLEMENT!

Thirteen, wonders why he might have been brought along, and decides that it must be because Edgar has some secret extra plan to knock this man the fuck out. It’s perfect. He’s drunk. We can play it as if its all a dream. So Thirteen, uses his ghostwise halfling powers to communicate with Edgar to find out if its time to knock Clement out, but Edgar responded with a very mixed shrug response. Thirteen then realize that this wasn’t the plan from the start and decides to just let Clement go. Oh right, the information Clement actual gave the boys. Something about a magical third floor existing. Great.

Thirteen and Edgar head back to base. Along the way, Thirteen ponders to himself about his role with the group, seeing as he has been brought on various of sub-missions now, and, as the muscle, has only really muscled twice so far; once against a butcher who could take a SURPRISING amount of necrotic force; the other a dinosaur who couldn’t take a surprising amount of necrotic force. Thirteen also ponders what the hell is in the meat in this town that allows a butcher to be able to take more hits than a dinosaur and still decide that he would be better off as a butcher and not an adventurer. Huh, maybe Doran the Butcher IS an adventurer and the butcher gig is just what he does when he brings back all his meats from adventuring. Maybe Doran is one of the adventurers set to guard the inside of the manor. Or, maybe Doran knew he was going to die from the wounds he was dealt and went to find a healer, but because he didn’t have any money (hah, cause we stole it), he had to turn to some alternative medicine in the form of magic. Maybe the wizard he ended up seeking out was a necromancer, and waited for his necrotic wound to take him so that they could use his body. Maybe that necromancer was Gedal. Maybe round 2 is upon us.

Meanwhile Astor sets up a card game for tomorrow with the Midgee servants. At first they were like nah, but then they were like yah. So, Astor prepares for tomorrow. He first goes to the bar, where the servants meet up with him. Then they head to the manor, sneaking Astor into the servant quarters, where Astor, several guards, and servants will play some poker. Astor excuses himself to the restroom, where he lets Tiki out to scout the manor and see if he can see any pictures through the windows.

There were a total of 12 players not including Astor playing poker. Astor eventually loses the game on purpose, but not before convincing a few of them to be kobold activists. Also Tiki saw shit. So Astor only really played poker and had a good time. 19,309 POINTS TO TIKI!


Everyone jumps in the bag. Astor uses the dust. Tiki flies us in and drops us off. Astor runs under the balcony, gave the command to Tiki. Tiki dumps everyone out. Astor sneaks inside and makes it upstairs and finds his way to the room with the balcony that we were dropped off at. Along the way up, Astor noted some locations of paintings. He also didn’t see any lights on along the way. The gang heads to the spot on the blueprints that looked like it would have stairs leading to the third floor and BAM! We find ourselves a secret staircase.



And i cant come up with 3 more verses.


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Session 2.12 - More Information Gathering!

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08/28/2018 Session

Quick Retcon Section

Apparently the Midgee’s had an older son.

In-game Time

Session Started:

  • date: March 30th
  • Lunar phase: First Quarter

Session Ended:

  • date: The night of April 13th
  • Lunar phase: Last Quarter

Interesting People

Midgee Individual Family Members

  • Sebastian – Father
  • Florence – Mother
  • Clement – older son who failed/dropped out of wizarding school.

SCARECROW MIDNIGHT – Fighting evil by moonlight, winning love by midnight. Never running from a real fight! He is the one named SCARECROW MIDNIGHT!

Locations of Interest

Gedal’s College House – Where Gedal stayed while attending college. Now its used more as an office/study for him, but back during college it was a study/office for him. Wild times those college years were.

What Our Mission Is For the Next Campaign

Go on the actual heist. Oh and deal with this mysterious figure.

Also spread rumors about this Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh-Travis guy. I heard he can only get off if his partner is dead, so he likes to kill his zombies, do the deed, then revive them again. The sick bastard.

Swindler’s List

Nothing stolen

The Short Notes

Astor learned some information:

  • Gedal lived near the college, but not quite in the dorms. Basically his parents bought him some sort of small, 3-5 room manor by the school. After graduating, Gedal moved back home, but still used his college manor as some sort of study or office.
  • Thea and Gedal have been in contact for quite some time now. It is also expected that other members of the family know some magic.
  • Astor also confirmed that the wizarding college is indeed in the city.
  • The 2nd floor is usually off limits to people outside of the family and the servants.

Glim really wanted to go to the Tabaxian Embassy so Edgar tagged along. Thirteen decided that his skills of stabby stabby and slashing slashing weren’t really going to be necessary for the embassy mission so he decided to sit at a table at the hideout and space out for like, a couple hours.

At the Embassy, Edgar, disguised as Barnibus, and Glim, disguised as some gnome, run into some guards at the entrance. Edgar tries his best to persuade the guards that they are from a culture club at the college and wanted to take some notes and surveys for the club. The guard totally tried to cock block them with needing an appointment, but jokes on him because Edgar’s divine influence is actually rolling like a saint and managed to convince the guard that they totally wrote a lot of letters to no reply and somehow that was good enough for the guards to allow a pat down. Edgar takes off his rake, much to the guards confusion, until Edgar told him he was cosplaying as SCARECROW MIDNIGHT! Eat shit guard. That’s a 20 on the deception roll. Also, eat more shit guard, you just stepped on the rake.

Edgar and Glim were turned away from the embassy. Something about Glim carrying a bunch of daggers, some more daggers, a crossbow, even more daggers, and Edgar also having a lot of dangerous items. Who knew weapons weren’t allowed at an embassy? They asked if they could come back tomorrow, less armed, and the guard was like, “You can try.”

They did not try.

A week later, April 6th.

New information gathered by the informants:

  • Ariana has entertainment info: They will have a live band. But not like, The Beatles, but more like, some of that bougie stuff, like a harp. And an oboe. Fucking oboes.
  • Mercenary contact information: The Midgee family has gathered some people who fancy themselves as adventurers. Those hired were supposedly recommended by the city. None of our immediate contacts know the process of being recommended.
  • Campaign Notes. The missing students quest hook from the last campaign was solved.

Astor keeps going to the bar and became drinking servants with the buddies. I mean, drinking buddies with the – hic! – servants. He learns Thea Chaucer is working on something upstairs, making all kinds of noise. Apparently Gedal has been “helping” her. Astor didn’t ask for more information on the noise.

Edgar looks for a violinist to teach him the ways of the violin. He studies for awhile, eventually learning how to pluck a song or two.

A week later, April 13th

More information was gathered:

  • The college manor is not actively being guarded by guards, but magical traps can totally still be set up.
  • Thea graduated several years ago, but still managed to become good friends with Gedal. Many people assumed she might have tutored Gedal.
  • Gedal specialized in necromancy.
  • Thea specialized in abjuration.
  • Glim feels like he is being watched from divine beings. Not like, the divine divine beings that influence the people, but like in-world divine being. Apparently 3 second futuresniff can, potentially, create time paradoxes and the what nots.
  • Astor apparently did a side thing buying zombies.
  • Edgar apparently does a side thing talking to Clement.

The gang decides to check out the school manor during the middle of the night. Thirteen casts Find Traps at the front and back entrance and discovers that there are some traps, which Glim determines to be the Alarm spell. Thirteen then uses prestidigitation to try and open the door, but it fails due to the door being locked so Astor decides to pick the lock and open the door. No sound was made, so the gang all run to a hiding spot for about 30 minutes, due to Thirteen’s warning that the alarm can either make an audible sound or mentally ping the caster from a mile away. Tiki was used as a lookout, and in those 30 minutes, nobody showed up. The gang then decides to check out the house.

Glim goes in first, cause he has the futuresniff, and he sees a gnome figure that appears to be not living, holding a stone in one of his hands. Astor looks through some windows and sees that the bedroom has some papers and books on a desk. Thirteen, walking in behind Glim, casts detect magic to determine if there are anymore magical traps that they needed to worry about. He discovers that the monster is indeed necromancy, and the stone is indeed evocation magic. Beyond this, he notes magic inside the bedroom. He then walks outside because he doesn’t want to deal with the undead zombie, and notes Astor peeking through the window. At Astor’s request, Thirteen casts silence on the window. Glim, following Thirteen because he too does not want to fight a zombie, then uses a knock scroll to open up the window. Glim hops into the window, followed by Astor. This time, Glim uses detect magic, noting that their is abjuration magic on the chair and the papers on the desk. Glim recalls some information he knows about glyph of warding, assuming that glyph has been cast on the papers.

Thirteen checks to make sure no one is approaching as it has been about 30 minutes since the gang has started to mess around inside the house. Astor uses Tiki to read the paper, and discovers that its some stuff on necromancy. Thirteen, being a death cleric who has studied necromancy in the past, notes that this is theoretical necromancy. Its like theoretical physics, but with magic. Astor copies most of the visible papers down and then Thirteen uses prestidigitation to create a small puff of wind to try and gently jostle the papers to avoid triggering the glyph. It wasn’t enough. Luckily, only Tiki and Glim went blind. The gang decides to leave the small college manor, closing stuff behind them. They note someone is walking towards the house on the streets, which Astor recognizes as a gnome servant he has been drinking with. The gang sneaks away, with Glim quickly recovering from blindness. Tiki however, did not. But, good news! You can revive your familiars so Astor decides to viciously murdered his best, and only, friend.

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Session 2.11 - Running Around Trying to Get Into the Hottest Party of the Year

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08/14/2018 Session

Quick Retcon Section

Nothing really.

In-game Time

Session Started:

  • date: March 29th
  • Lunar phase: First Quarter

Session Ended:

  • date: Friday, March 30th
  • Lunar phase: First Quarter

Interesting People

Amath Heeeeeeeilong – high rank guard with no connection

Muriel Deboolback- high rank guard with a not so strong connection, but a connection. Owes a small debt that she claims to have paid. Also is a kobold activist apparently. Apparently has a cat named Zane.

Eleanor Hiness – high rank guard with no connection.

Peyton Farlight – high rank guard with no connection (male)

Brothel Bro – one of Edgar’s contacts who works at The Establishment

Aviery Wildingham – A judge from a noble family that is supposedly down on their luck. I wonder what happened to their fortune…

Magical Phil the Gnome – manager of Magical Chili’s.

Thea Chaucer – Mystery person that the servants complained about.

Uuuuuuuuhhh-Travis Rhunetree – Skeltian diplomat

Locations of Interest

The Establishment – If you have to ask about The Establishment, you aren’t established enough to visit The Establishment. Edgar has established some “contacts” who have established themselves at The Establishment in the past while he was establishing connections with people who were established.

The Bayley Inn – a Tavern that the Midgee servants go hangout at.

The Finest Cuisine in all of Kadena

  • Magical Chili’s Bar and Grill
  • Tabaxiland Steakhouse
  • Red Kracken
  • TKI Friday’s
  • Divine Applebees
  • Joe’s Crab Dungeon
  • Wheat Barley Patch Cafe
  • Olive Dinosaur Forest
  • Dragon Barrel Old Country Store
  • Arcana Buffalo Wild Wings
  • Five Gnomes
  • Tarrasque Steakhouse
  • Illithid House of Pancakes
  • Beholder’s
  • Taco Bell

What Our Mission Is For the Next Campaign

Astor wants to keep checking The Bayley Inn for more Thea Chaucer info.

Glim wants to learn more about Tabaxi cuisine and catering services specialized in the art.

Thirteen and Edgar are waiting on two separate sources (Ariana and Brothel Bro) for information on the entertainment.

Potentially pick up our new threads.


Swindler’s List

Nothing was stolen. Astor chose to leave the mug from The Bayley Inn.

The Short Notes

Go check out The Midgee Dossier

We got some blueprints.

Edgar and Thirteen go see the guards. Fenowyn was all like, “I can get you a list of all the high rank guards working that night.” Edgar arranges for us to meet up around lunch to discuss our plan based off the guards on the list, but first the gang had to double check the list to know which guards are in our back pocket, if any.

The list of guards:

  • Amath Heeeeeeeilong – no connection
  • Muriel Deboolback – not a strong connection, but a connection.
  • Eleanor Hiness – no connection
  • Peyton Farlight – no connection (male)

The gang all gets together before lunch to discuss their plan when Edgar sneaks off to talk with a contact in the “entertainment industry.” The rest of the group asks if we have connections in the mercenary districts to learn about what group might be running security inside the manor. Thirteen then goes to chat with Ariana to see what she knows about this “judge from a noble family.”

Edgar is talking with a contact at The Establishment, you know, THE The Establishment, about the entertainment the Midgee family might be hiring. The Informant was all like, “you think the reclusive nobles would hire some strippers!?” and Edgar was like, “I meant a band,” and the informant was like, “oh, I may know someone, but it will cost yah,” so Edgar offered him he would pay him with a favor. Like a mission favor, not a blowie.

Back at the base, Thirteen is talking with Ariana about a noble family down on their luck, and Ariana sassed right back with “YoU jUsT bRoUgHt OnE dOwN!?” and Thirteen was like, “ok bitch, but do you know of any family down on their luck with a judge in the family,” and she was all like, “Yo did you not know about Francis’s sister, Aviery?” And Thirteen was like, “…no?” and then Ariana was like, “Well, she’s a judge, and get this. Rumor has it that her family is down on their luck after this successful heist went down stealing all their jewels,” and Thirteen was like, “nice.” He then asks if she can learn of any information about the entertainment and she said she will get back in a week. Thirteen thanks her for her time, turns around to go back to his team and…wait. They ALL scattered.

Glim went to talk with Kefka apparently. He wanted to thank him for the tip on the tailor and ask how much it would usually cost. 400-500 for a more casual encounter really. So, more. Lots more for what we need. So the gang may not actually go buy the clothes. Who knows. He then asks if Kefka were to hold a party, where would he get catering from and Kefka told him he would hire a catering service. Excellent. Glim goes off now on the most important quest of knowledge in the world.

Astor does his own little side thing out and about the town listening to rumors and general gossip. “Oh. My. God. Becky. Have you heeeeeard about the Midgee pahrty?” And typical other Valley Girl stuff. And somehow, he heard rumors that Ariana didn’t hear. He didn’t have to sex people up for his information and he learned that the crusine they are bringing is supposedly exotic and the party will most likely be on the first floor or in the backyard cause the top floor is mostly quarters. And no nobles won’t to see quarters. They just want them $100 dollar bills ya’ll. Seeing all them 0’s after the 1, not that .25 shit.

Back during Edgar’s shinanigan, he learns that his brothel bro has the coveted golden “!” above his head to signal a new quest is available. He talks to brother bro and puts the side quest in his adventure log. Edgar will solve this quest at a later date. Something about his kid needing to “pass” and Edgar needs to make sure that happens.

Everyone shows back up to the manor and rejoin Thirteen who was sitting at the table. Alone. It’s now lunch time! So everyone goes off to meet Fynwyn…except for Astor who goes off to listen to more rumors. Anyways, at lunch the boys tell her to put Muriel on the side entrance. Thirteen and Edgar than go find Muriel and tell her the plan. She was a lovely person. So the plan is at around 8:30, she will tell her lesser, inferior ranked guards, to go check a noise out that we then go try to check out. Also she will never ever ever want to see the guild again, so Thirteen and Edgar go tell Cloudfang to totes not bother Muriel until this heist goes down.

Astor scouts out the manor. And by Astor, of course I mean Tiki. He watches as servants come and go, until one semi-unkept servant shows up. He uses his magical tracking power on the servant and follows him around town as he stops to several different businesses before ending up at The Bayley Inn, where other servants have also gathered. Inside, he learns of Thea Chaucer.

Glim…ooooh Glim. He decided to go check out some bougie restaurant named Magical Chili’s Grill and Bar and is all like…

Glim: “Hello, I am conducting a survey on the catering industry.”
Magical Phil: “Sure, I’m the manager. I’ll take part in your survey.”
Glim: “What is catering?”

…Now get this. Magical Phil HUMORS Glim. Like, straight up what a nice guy and hero Magical Phil is to take time out of his day to help out and do his part in the community by taking surveys rather than delivering some of that magical baby back ribs. And this goes on FOR AWHILE. Glim asks all kinds of questions like, “how do people hear about you?” “What is your typical work day like?” “What’s your busy hours like?” “If you happened to be catering for a noble’s party, how would you go about doing that and are you currently catering for a large party coming up?” “What the competition like in the catering industry?” And Magical Phil answered it all. It was quite amazing. But, sadly, they aren’t catering the Midgee’s party, so Glim thanks him for his time and goes to check out various other locations.

Glim eventually finds the Tabaxiland Steakhouse who “specializes” in “Tabaxian” “cuisine.” They apparently told Glim that rumor has it that a company from outside of town who specializes in real Tabaxian cuisine apparently have some marketing director in town or some shit. Apparently its also like, super expensive, but enough the Midgee’s can totally afford. And with this new found information, Glim heads back to the hideout.

The next day, Friday March 30th.

Astor goes talk to Ariana about Thea Chaucer and discovers its a name she is not familiar with. However, Ariana did note that she had some new information, primarily that the Wildingham family did get an invitation, as did a foreign diplomat from Skeltia named Uuuuuuuuhhh-Travis Rhunetree.

Glim suggests to Edgar and Thirteen that they should go to the Tabaxi embassy as he believes it can help with his new found catering information. Astor decides to go spread rumors around town, which is probably equally important.

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The Midgee Dossier

The Midgees are hosting a party to celebrate their son’s early graduation from the wizard’s college. The blueprints indicate that the house is two stories tall with a basement. The blueprints also indicate they were last updated several years ago, though there are change request forms that came with the blueprints. The Midgees are hiring caterers based from out of town. The name is yet unknown, but the food they make is Tabaxian. They have town guards monitoring the grounds outside the mansion and they’re hiring mercenaries to guard the inside of the mansion. Nobles and some professors are receiving invitations for the party. One invitation is sent per house, the number of people coming and the names of those coming are returned with the RSVP. There is a guest staying in the house that’s been making a racket night and day for several days now named Thea Chaucer. There is a judge there that is part of the Wildinham family. Kefka and Jellen houses are invited.

The caterers are bringing help. The guards on the grounds will let you in due to a connection you have. The second floor is off limits to guests.

Session 2.10 - Downtime

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07/31/2018 Session

Quick Retcon Section

Ray is now the time keeper.

In-game Time

Session Started:

  • date: March 6th
  • Lunar phase:

Session Ended:

  • date: March 28th ?
  • Lunar phase:

Interesting People

Ariana Woodleaf – Human lady definently. The Guild’s socialite for sure. Prostitute maybe.

Midgee Family – The next heist target. Their son is graduating wizarding school. He was some prodigee or something. Probably fought a dark wizard in his final year. Going to have 7 books written about him that get adapted into 8 movies and eventually the arthor of these stories is going to go off the deep end with facts and hidden background, history, and lore behind some of the beloved characters to gain crowd favor and prove you’re sooo progressive, but not ever use these new facts in the extended universe. Like cool, you took to twitter to announce that the headmaster was gay, but now you have a new series of forgettable movies about forgettable monsters and forgettable places and you’re just going to not include all those interesting facts in the movies? Ok fine. But you’re totally going to let some man in a suit offer a role to an overrated actor who beat his wife into your movie like everyone else. SOOOOOO progressive…I wonder if this Midgee party will have cake.

Gedal Midgee – Wizard prodigy study.

Jelen Family – a noble family in the guild’s pocket

Panzavier Jelen – head of the Jelen.

Locations of Interest

Cellabin Tailor – Kefka’s tailor.

What Our Mission Is For the Next Campaign

Thirteen needs to get the list of guards. Then uh, spend 22 days until April 19th doing side shit? THEN MANOR HEIST!

Swindler’s List

The Gang’s Payout – 9,250 gold each that they then went and spent on magic items

The Kobold Mercenary’s – got a 300 gold tip from Astor.

The Short Notes

The gang all makes it back safe and sound. While in the tunnel, Astor tells Glim to stay with the goods and goes to the guild to fetch some extra hands to bring in all that sweet sweet cash, making that money moves.

Astor and Glim go to see Cloudfang, who was in the middle of a conversation with some person the gang didn’t know nor gave a single shit about, to give him a bit of the lowdown, and to show the teams massive success, takes the bag of holding from Glim without his consent and pours it all out. Glim cleans up the mess.

About half an hour passed, I don’t really recall, I’m not the time keeper, Cloudfang finished his conversation with the mystery man…or lady…huh. We didn’t even get their gender. Anyways, Cloudfang goes to get the other two to talk about the mission. Cloudfang was all snarky and was like, “What did you have to burn down to get all this?” A triceratops. We had to burn down a triceratops. That’s right. Top of the food chain boys. What’s our next hunt? We’re take them down. Put us in High Rank couch!

Cloudfang asked about the specific items we were sent to look for and Glim pulls them out one by one from the bag of holding, because that’s how bags of holding work. Astor was unimpressed. Astor and Glim tell Cloudfang that the other two members of their crew are dealing with Francis and, when asked if any witnesses were left, that “not a single one was left alive.” At this point, Cloudfang became a kobold activist and agreed that the kobold mercenaries that magically stayed alive are indeed fine to stay alive.

Next day, March 7th, Thirteen and Edgar arrive at the guild base. Cloudfang invites all of the gang in for a meeting. He didn’t expect us to be as good as we were. And BAM! 9000ish gold for everyone! ITS TIME FOR A THREE WEEK SHOPPING MONTAGE BABY!

Exciting montage continues!

Oh Yah! Giiiiiirl, you go buy that dress! Mmmm! Looking good honey!

Bags upon bags upon bags of goodies!

Also got to get some of that SICK NASTY GROCERIES!

And the montage is over.

Edgar has an amazing idea of having Glim modify his rake of pain, and Glim does it successfully.

Cloudfang finds the gang and tells us he has a mission in the works that is somewhat tied to our last mission, but it hasn’t fully came together yet. So instead, he sends us to the guild’s socialite, Ariana Woodleaf, to talk about a side gig. Basically she just wants us to sneak in some house and steal some paintings. Oh, wait. It’s not just some house, its the Midgee Family’s house. A bunch of introverted nobles who has a prodigy son graduating from wizarding college. Bet the family didn’t even have to pay for the college. Just the name alone probably made the college give out scholarships and funding while all the little gnomes from the ghetto are throwing their entire life’s employment just to pay their way through four years of levitating upside down for that sick kick during a keg-vitate. Ariana mentioned that anyone who is anyone is invited to the party, so Thirteen asks if she will be at the party and turns out, she’s not anyone. Thirteen also asked if Kefka (you know, the noble who owns the house that the thieves guild operates out of) and she is like, “maybe.” She does also tell us that the Jellen family, who are in our pocket, might also have been invited. Edgar asks if we have a tailor who can make us threads, and Ariana is like, “you know that’s actually the one position we don’t have in the guild.” Which, seems kind of weird. Apparently we were trying to get a butcher in our pockets, but not a tailor.

The gang asked a couple of additional questions:

  • What will the entertainment be? She didn’t know.
  • Do nobles usually bring servants? Some, but they are left outside like the dogs that they are.
  • Will this family have magical traps that blow up their house when trying to open a door in a basement? Too specific. She doesn’t know.
  • Is the part indoor or outdoor? She doesn’t know.
  • Do they have their own catering or will they hire someone? She doesn’t know.
  • How do the invitations work? Oh. She finally knows something. The family gets one invitation and then they RSVP with a number.
  • Kefka family. How many members? He has a spouse, and one child. an adult technically, but a child.
  • Are these paintings haunted?
  • Are these paintings magical portals to mysterious worlds where you either collect some stars or fight a bunch of crow demons and an undead dragon or two and some abomination that’s left when a dragon decides to mate with a human?
  • Are these paintings of famous people?
  • Are these paintings famous people trapped in the canvas by magic?
  • Were any of these paintings happy accidents made into something beautiful by the incredible artist Rob Boss?

The gang decides to go talk to Kefka and head off to his study after asking around. He confirms it will be in 22 days (so about April 19th…its not a leap year). He notes its in the more fancy side of Kadena, but the manor is more isolated from other. He states that he doesn’t know what school of magic the child, Gedal, is graduating from. He also tells us of a tailor we can use. Cellabin Tailor. Also we need to bring a gift.

The gang decides to go their separate ways to gather information. Astor goes to a contact of his to get the blueprints. Glim goes to the tailor. Edgar and Thirteen go see the Jelen family.

At the Jelen estate, Edgar knocks on the door and tells the butler who opened the door that he was there for business sent by an associate of Jelen, using Kefka’s name. Eventually, Edgar and Thirteen get a meeting with Panzavier Jelen. He was pretty much useless except reconfirming the information we learned earlier and suggesting we get in as guards and that there are supposedly families from out of town coming to this party. As for non nobles, it will mostly be professors the student had. Also, there is a female judge who’s family has been down on their luck and we should maybe watch out for her.

Astor went to one of his contacts. He slips her The Jelen address and asks her to bring blueprints for the Jelen manor. She confirms no one will die, and Astor notes that it is NEVER HIS FAULT when someone dies. She agrees, but we have to bring her the blueprints back by the end of the week (it’s Wednesday). She charges him some money, and he pays 235 gold. She slips him a meeting address, and he goes to wait for her. she shows up and gives him the goods and he gives her the money. It was real money.

Glim goes to the tailor. He gets clothes for everyone cause he magically knows our measurements. He gives the date of the event for when he needs the clothes, and then they’re all like, “You’re not fancy enough for this. Who sent you?” and Glim was like, “Kefka.” They were all like, “Yah ok, it will be ready in time,” cause they totally think Final Fantasy 6 is the best Final Fantasy and they respect Kefka for being a villain who is willing to do anything to get what he wants.

At this point, the gang remember that Osgo is green scales and that we use that as code words with people in our pocket.

Edgar and Thirteen use this new found rememberance to go talk to Fenowyn the Guard captain to be like, “let’s meet at the park.”
So they met at the park.
The boys wanted details on the guard duty at the party, and she was like, “city guards will handle the entrance, some other fucks are handling the inside.” Thirteen wanted a list of the guards working the event, and hopefully with their time if that’s sorted out. Fenowyn was all like, “Yah, sure. But You have to wait till tomorrow. Also, only the higher ranked guards are confirmed as of right now,” which Thirteen was ok with.

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Session 2.9 - Heist Completion

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7/18/2018y Session

Quick Retcon Section

Kobolds are now Scottish. Still Klingons. So Scottish Klingons.

Interesting People

No new people introduced.

Locations of Interest

No new locations explored.

What Our Mission Is For the Next Campaign

To get their rewards and move on with their lives as the party will gain downtime before going on their next mission!

Swindler’s List

Does killing people count as stealing their life?

The Short Notes

These might actually be short notes for once….

Glim and Astor are in the wagon opening chests to the best of their abilities.

Edgar was being chased by Betsy.

Thirteen was spotted by the guards, but was able to get away from them.

Glim and Astor continue opening and looting some chests.

Edgar eventually tries running back to the wagons, but in the process, gets knocked unconscious. But lucky for Edgar, as Thirteen has RANGED HEALING…that also has verbal components and thus draws Betsy’s attention.

The guards chasing Thirteen begin to slowly approach the wagon Glim and Astor are in cause this situation needed more conflict.

Glim and Astor continue opening and looting some chests.

Edgar wakes up from being unconscious, only to hear the familiar mystical voice of Thirteen in his head constantly repeating “PLAY DEAD PLAY DEAD PLAY DEAD PLAY DEAD PLAY DEAD PLAY DEAD PLAY DEAD PLAY DEAD!”

Edgar played dead.

Betsy begins moving towards Thirteen, who successfully blinds the beast and then sneaks behind the dino.

Glim and Astor continue opening and looting some chests.

Astor also hears a couple of kobolds.

Edgar sneaks away to hide under a wagon. He notes that the 4 guards are slowly checking the wagons.

Betsy starts to move back to the center of the wagons, still blind.

Thirteen chooses to sneak away from the scene.

Glim and Astor continue opening and looting some chests.

The guards get closer to the wagon.

Kobolds get closer.

Edgar gets out from under the wagon, moves towards the guards, and draws the attention of Betsy.

Glim and Astor continue opening and looting some chests.

Thirteen moves closer to the wagons.

Edgar, taking note of the guards, decides that he should shout “HEY BITCH!” to get the attention of Betsy. Conveniently, Betsy, Edgar, and the guards all lined up, so if Betsy charges Edgar, he will hit the guards!!! And the wagon. Oh shit not the wagon.

Betsy charged. Luckily didn’t hit the wagon.

Thirteen, realizing Betsy might actually attack the wagon in her blind rage, decides to use RAY OF ENFEEBLEMENT onto Betsy. Success.

The Guards attack Betsy.

Astor grabs Francis and throws him into the bag of holding that Glim has, because he fits. Also, they can hear the dino. And that’s something that they should try to avoid, so he and Glim need to start preparing to flee.

Edgar begins running back to home base, where they left Peter.

Betsy attacks some guards. She finally shakes off all her debuffs.

Thirteen then notices the kobolds off in the distance peeking out their heads. He motions, “Get the fuck out” back towards Kadena, before he follows Edgar’s example to run away.

Astor climbs out the front of the wagon.

Guards try to move.

Kobolds get out.

Glim tries to follow Astor.

Betsy finishes killing the guards.

Astor starts to stealth right on out of there.

Glim starts to stealth right on out of there…but Betsy noticed.

Betsy charges Glim, but misses.

Now for our glorious little side note brought on by Astor’s inner subconscious. It’s currently March 4th. The moon’s current phase is waxing gibbous. Some wagons are on fire. Astor tries to sneak away from the dino while the divine beings discuss the current season. Hahahaha, it didn’t work. Eat shit Astor.

Luckily, Astor lets out a scream before he almost died. Thirteen and Edgar decides to then turn around and go back and help.

Eventually, Thirteen and Edgar return, help heal up Astor, and all four of them turn around and fight Betsy, finally taking out the beast!!!

The team then realizes that they now have a number of things they need to do.

1) Go get Peter. (Glim and Edgar go on this mission)

2) Check the remaining wagons (Thirteen does this, noting that one wagon had 6 more chests)

3) Examine the carnage (Astor does this)

4) See if they can find the Kobolds running away

5) Go retrieve some of the horses back.

6) Determine the plan of action

Among the dead, we found Sass Master and Zane. Rip. Astor and Glim decide that they should use the kobold spears from some of the fallen kobolds to kill the guards not trampled by Betsy, including our good boy Peter. Poor Peter. The team plans out how to go about the rest of the mission. They will put Francis back in the wagon with all the chests that Glim and Astor checked. Glim and Astor will take some of the horses to pull the wagon with the remaining chests back to town. Thirteen and Edgar will travel a bit south to rest for the night, and come back in the morning to wake up Francis, pretending to be travelers who happened on the wreckage.

The plan plays out.

On their way to town, Glim and Astor found 5 kobolds. The two friends of Astor are indeed alive! Yah! Also the death penalty payment cost isn’t going to be as high! Win Win! They also ditch the wagon (and maybe set it on fire?) and snuck back into Kadena through secret passages.

Edgar and Thirteen show up to the wagons and wake up Francis, who was a little fucking bitch and fainted when he saw everyone dead. What a bitch. So the boys take him to a guard outpost not far off. The boys tell the guards about what they found, and the guards immediately go, “He’s rich. You’re lying.” The boys were like, “noooooooo,” and they were like, “stay for a statement,” and the boys stayed to write a very basic statement and then bailed.

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Session 2.8 - And The Heist has BEGUN!

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06/27/2018 Session

Quick Retcon Section

The home rules for travel encounters change so we re roll the encounter dice. Thirteen and Edgar still have to fight.

Interesting People

Citizens – The caravan had some filled with people. Filled. As in past tense. They aren’t filled with people by the end of the session. The people aren’t really people either.

Betsy – The Triceratops from Dinosaur Forest.

Locations of Interest

Heist Target Location – In the middle of two hill in the middle of some towns.

Dinosaur Forest – The campaign actually doesn’t explore this place, but with actual dinosaurs now being a part of the campaign, its time to do a quick recap of the adventure log to remember when dinosaurs came into existence.

What Our Mission Is For the Next Campaign

Finish the heist and gtfo from the dinosaur….or kill it.

Swindler’s List

We’re working on it!

The Short Notes

Thirteen and Edgar fight a giant scorpion! It was great.

Everybody meets up at the designated meet up spot and go over some notes before heading off for the ambush spot. Edgar watches DragonTube and studies up on how to be a ginger for his upcoming role in the big play; Pete Mistspitter, wonder guard boy. Astor sends Tiki out to scout for the gang.

Once arriving at the ambush spot, Astor sends out Tiki, who notes that there are the two extra wagons that were promised and that they do appear to be different. Tiki also sees that there is 1 guard on each side of each wagon (11 wagons), and…what’s this? Is that one cool, cool friend from a long time ago here to show us a world we’ve never seen before?? Oh, wait. No. It’s just some beast with 3ish horns, some frill thingy, and with extreme attitude.

Glim hands out all the necessary items, such as the scrolls and cloth sacks and poisons, to all the correct individuals who will be needing such items.

Evening finally hit, so the guards began to set up camp. Glim puts on his heist masks and enchants Thirteen’s and Astor’s masks to work like hats of disguise. Astor decides it would be funny to disguise himself as a kobold fascist nazi, but somehow became a kobold activist instead. He then hands Tiki a coin so it can drop it on Peter. When Tiki goes to find Peter, he is unable to spot either Francis or Zane, but he does find Peter. Tiki drops the coin on Peter’s head and Peter was like, “Oh sweet free money.” Campaign over. Peter failed.

Just kidding! He remembered his duty and he followed the bird and BAM! That fucker is knocked out stone cold. Edgar disguises himself as Peter, and then steals his clothes and puts them on…and it’s super drenched in sweat. Now we know; Mistspitter isn’t a last name. When Edgar arrives at the enemy camp, he notes 10 mercs and 18 guards are out about, with the mercs and guards having separate dinner pots. But both pots have chefs who are attending to them. Whatever will our “heroes” do!?! Astor sends forth Tiki to do a fly by shit to cause a distraction! It was….a 2 on the roll, but divine spirits let it be! It hit the side of the pot, the chef got mad, and while distracted, Edgar sneak sneak sneaked 10 vials in the pot.

Edgar goes talk to the other chef at the other pot and started some small talk, about some dank ol’ weed. Like, that dankest shit man. Knock you right over kind of drug. Last dance with Mary Jane. Blazing it harder than Willie Nelson. Tiki then swoops in and ruins Edgar’s drug quest by landing and stealing some food off the side cart. The chef gives chase, and takes a SWING AT TIKI WHO ONLY HAS 12 AC AND 1 HP! The chef picks up the nearest rock. He pulls the rock arm back, puts the other arm out in front of him. He lines up the shot! Edgar poisons the meal! The CHEF THROWS THE ROCK! WOOOOOOSH! 10! Thats less than 12! Tiki survives!

Edgar walks off to play some cards with the guards while the rest of the boys decide what to do with Peter. Astor wants to kill him. Glim thinks thats too much so Thirteen suggests tying him up. So they do. with the only rope they had…Glim’s magical rope of climbing. But he didn’t mention anything, and his allies didn’t realize it, sooooooo yah. Then the dinner bell rings. Edgar excuses himself to the restroom before heading all the way back to the good ol boys. Then they wait, until Tiki spots people going down from the poison! Send in the kobolds! Edgar tells them to attack from a far, and once they get a single hit, run away.

qaStaHvIS yIn Kobold Kinship! ben law’ batlhmey maHvaD may’Daq! Doqqu’ ‘ej wov flesh maw’Ha’ HIv baS! nIHDaq shit? DaSovrup dinosaur? 1

Btw, the wagons are set up as this: (We ran out of media storage space….so uh. take this instead)

Initial Wagon Setup. It’s super bold cause its important.

The kobolds make the first move. They use the power of stealth to approach the wagons….and are instantly noticed. The Kobolds unload their rocks against the guards, some landing hits and actually running away. Others…not so well. Tiki counts that there are 12 guards up and about, while the rest are knocked out from the poison. As the boys approach, the guard count continues to drop as more guards are being affected by the poison. But, the guards that didn’t get hit by the poison are able to catch some of the kobolds. Looks like the bill just went up a bit. The triceratops begins to thrash around, making it’s chains rattle and ground somewhat shake.

While this commotion is going on, the gang sneaks into their designated wagons as shown in the chart. Glim accidentally stumbles and makes noise. Then, the chain rattling stopped. Oh, so a good thing. Oh no, thats the sound of metal tearing and a loud pop. That’s a very bad thing.

All four checked their first wagon, discover nothing. The triceratops charges the one Glim was in, but Glim manages to jump out and sneak to the next wagon. Edgar notices that the triceratops is trying to get at Glim. Thirteen checks his next wagon and sees some wealthy-ish citizens and some chests. Astor jumps in his next wagon and sees a bunch of chests and someone hugging the chest. He counts seven total chests before telling Tiki to go fetch Thirteen.

The triceratops is picking at the wagon it stomped (btw it totally trampled some sleeping guards and mercenaries). Glim and Edgar both check their next wagons and find nothing. Glim’s futuresniff detects the dino, oh no! But its all good, for Thirteen told the merchants in his wagon that it will totally be a better idea to try and run away from the situation rather than staying in the wagon, and they listened! Ha! what fools. They will be trampled by the triceratops right about…now.

Glim stumbles out of his wagon, fearing that the dino will attack any second now due to his sniff, but he see’s Thirteen’s merchant play has successfully distracted the dino. Thirteen then starts looking through the chests in the wagon.

Astor tries to open up a chest, but they are all locked. The man, assumed to be Francis, starts yelling for Astor to get out, so Astor threatens him…only for the man to shout for Betsy. Astor then tells the man he is better off dead and stabs him knocking him out because divine spirits reminded Astor at the last moment that keeping Francis alive is totally a prime objective of the mission. And stabbing someone non-lethally to unconsciousness totally works in this game.

Betsy, the triceratops, now has three possible targets. Glim, who stumbled out of a wagon, the merchants, or her own master’s plea for help. And yes. I know what I just did. Boo hoo, assuming the things gender based off its name. Sue me you liberal fucking snowflakes. But, yah like its all good. Betsy is having just so much fun squishing all of the merchants! It’s like River City Ransom! Or Scott Pilgrim! Everything explodes into money when they die! Hahaha ha…ha. Also lots of blood. I hope they didn’t have families back home to feed. They probably did.

Tiki manages to find Thirteen and lands on his shoulder. Thirteen is like, “bird, I must check this chest!” He sees fancy cloth in the two chests, and he pushes down on them, gently, to make sure nothing was hidden beneath them before beginning to jump out. Astor attempts to lock pick the chest Francis was holding onto, but fails. He also tells Tiki that he actually really needs Glim, so Tiki leaves Thirteen to find Glim.

Edgar notes that four guards are on their way back from chasing kobolds. Astor attempts to pick the lock again and fails. Glim successfully climbs out of his wagon, which Edgar noticed. He was like, “cool its safe.” But Betsy just so happened to be finish with her merchant toys that she began turning around, and happened to notice Edgar. They lock eyes. Like an old western. Betsy lowers her head.

Edgar books it.

Thirteen, before jumping out, can hear the sounds of metal clanking, as if some foot steps of some guards are coming. But he also hears the stomping of dinos going the other way so he tests his luck. And it looks like he was noticed. But, they’re 120 feets away, so Thirteen uses THE COLD GRASP OF DEATH ITSELF! A ghostly skeletal hand manifests forth in the face of two of the guards, reaching back, then veered full force into their face with a glorious bitch slap.

Astor decides to finally check Francis for a key ring, which was a successful idea. He opens a chest and he begins dumping it all into a bag. While dumping, he notices a huuuuuuuge blue diamond. Also Tiki was successful in finding Glim, who followed him to Astor. Glim also successfully sneaks so that the guards would not notice him.

Ending Wagon Setup

Oh, btw. Francis Wildingham is a beautiful pony.


I put in….
Long Live the Kobold Kinship! Glory be to us in battle! Attack the metal clad pink flesh! Oh shit? Is that a dinosaur?
If you translate it back you get…
kobold life in kinship! years ago in the battle to honor! Pink flesh, as the attacking clothed and in his right! in the right hand, and shit? Dinosaur’s?

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Session 2.7 - The Day before the Day before the Final Prep Day before the Heist Day AKA Another Planning Session!!!

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06/05/2018 Session

Quick Retcon Section

It appears that no retconned happen?

Interesting People

Grrrk and Ebit – Astors Kobold companions from the previous session.

Janine – Female human leading a branch of KJW in Tentra with a sister in a higher, potentially political, position in Kadena.

Bryce Casmo – A guard captain.

Hype Man – a mercenary with extraordinary skill at basic heckling, exceptional skill at moderate heckling, and an undisclosed amount of skill at expert heckling.

Sass Master – a mercenary with a lot of sass. So much sass that we wanted to get as far away from him as we could that we didn’t actually get his name.

Zane – leader of the mercenaries, Hell Rats.

Locations of Interest

The Spry Cooper – the seediest club.

The Brass Flint – a tavern(?) in Kadena where Edgar can meet with the Hell Rats Mercenary group in two weeks time.

Emona – Town One

Shocko – Town Two

Dery – Town Three

What Our Mission Is For the Next Campaign

Hopefully the heist…finally.

Swindler’s List

Nothing stolen this session

The Short Notes

Day 9

Glim: Does. Some. Fucking. Science!

Astor: Bought the scrolls of knock and paid the kobold mercenaries.

Edgar and Thirteen: Edgar goes to the Spry Cooper with Thirteen following behind at around 9:00 PM. Few people were having drinks and meals, but was relatively empty. Edgar orders a drink. And then another one. And then a third one. Now that he pre-gamed, he begins talking with the bartender. The bartender tells him more about the town and a bunch of useless information that doesn’t really help with the heist, but when asked about the pet he provided some useful information. Wait a minute. All he said about the pet is that it started to roar a couple of weeks ago.

Three people are having a KJW meeting at the bar thanks to some mystical point spending. Anyways, the meeting discussed information about kobolds and their oppressed lives in the shanty towns around Kadena and about having a meeting with her sister in Kadena to hopefully start THE KOBOLD REVOLUTION! LONG LIVE THE KOBOLDS! LONG LIVE THE KOBOLDS! qaStaHvIS yIn pujbe’ Kobold Kinship! ben law’ batlhmey ghISDen! batlh pach! Daw’! ruv!1

Edgar asks the hard questions like, “How come you care about kobold rights when you ain’t a kobold?” and also, “What’s your name, darling?” And let me tell you, young teenage men, if you want to ask a girl for her name, and she wont give it to you, just continuously call her Jenny. Eventually she will yell, “Jesus Christ! My name is not Jenny! Its ____________!” It works like, 20% of the time.

The leader of the KJW is named Janine. She was in the 20%.

Day 10

Glim: Continues. With. ALL! Dat. Alchemy!

Astor: Oh right, he was attacked by A FUCKING TIGER! Astor takes some time to make sure his wounds are healed.

Edgar and Thirteen: Ooooooh boy. The good day.

Edgar sees a couple of guards playing dice, training, doing guard-like things. He approaches and is like, “Hello my fellow guards. Do you like skateboard,” and then the captain of this little session is all like, “Hey man, we rollerblade in these streets.” So Edgar asks to see the leader of these guards to show him the ways of skateboard. But no for realsie, Edgar wanted to be in on the guard/merc escort mission and the guard, Bryce Casmo, was all like, “we aren’t excepting any more help. You should have been here 2 weeks,” and then Edgar is all like but what about the mercs and Bryce was like urgh. You see, Sir Wildingham specifically hired the mercs himself because apparently he just really likes them. After some negotiation, Bryce tells Edgar you can find the merc team at the manor if you really wanted to be hired. So Edgar and Thirteen go to the manor.

At the manor there was a couple of mercenaries. Edgar asks if he could speak to their leader and the smug man was like, “You have the ability to talk to him.” Another guard, due to pointly powers, began to heckle Edgar with oooh’s and OH’s and Got em’s! Edgar then gives his pitch about how great he is and he still only gets sassed back. So Edgar brings up that he has this dope ass cleric friend named Thirteen…who promptly did not help with the pitch. Eventually, cause he probably thought it would be humorous, Sass Master Extraordinaire goes off to get the Merc Captain.

The Merc Captain comes out and is all like, “Let me hear your pitch,” so Edgar gives him the pitch about how he should be hired for this escort mission cause he’s all big and strong and really wants to. So the Merc Captain gives him the hardest follow up question anyone can ask.


After like, 4 minutes of what looked like fear across Edgar’s consciousnesses, he finally answered with the idea of “wanting to be tested” and a bunch of other hot bullshit. The Merc Captain, named Zane, totes things Edgar has what it takes, but he won’t hire him for this mission. He set’s up a meeting with at the Brass Flint in Kadena in two weeks if Edgar really wants in. Also the mercs are named Hell Rats…..cause after 30 minutes of randomly generating mercenary names and metal band names, this was the best one. Thanks random generators. You are all so perfectly garbage.

Day 11

Glim: Not. A. Single. Accident. in. The. Lab.

Astor: Basically has a full day to himself. Is fully healed. Lives his best life.

Edgar and Thirteen: They go meet up with Peter to get the final information at noon. Thirteen looks and notes that there are 9, nearly identical, wagons. Peter tells them that they are for sure going the south route. They will pick up 2 additional wagons along the way. For the total guard number, there are about 35 guards and 10 mercenaries, but 10 guards will stay behind to protect the estate. They will eat breakfast when they wake up in the morning, snack along the walk, and prepare dinner on the road, with them coming to a stop for the night before they eat. He provided no more information on the pet.

Edgar makes sure to tell Peter to be on night duty, and that a raven will drop a coin at him to signal that he should follow the raven when the business is about to go down. Also, Peter is 5’7", has short curly, dark red hair with copper skin and brown eyes. Also he is a tad pudgy.

Then they set off to travel.

Day 12

Glim: Finished with his production, Glim meets up with Astor and they head off with the kobold mercenaries!

Astor: Goes with Glim!

Edgar and Thirteen: Continue Travelling! But wait, what is this? An encounter!?!?!? Oooh NOOO! But its ok. Cause on Day 14 Glim and Astor and the Kobold Fodder will have an encounter themselves.


I put in….
Long Live The Glorious Kobold Kinship! Glory be to thy scales! Honor be to thy Claws! REVOLUTION! JUSTICE!
If you translate it back you get…
till I found myself crossing the kobold not kinship! years ago honor scales! claws, the honor! revolt! justice!

Which, honestly, is close enough.

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Session 2.6 - Urgh, Math AKA Oceans 4 still Planning

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05/09/2018 Session

Quick Retcon Section

Well, we changed the plan a smidge? Also Astor and Glim had a conversation with some alchemist that actually didn’t happen.

Interesting People

Bilcorn Locus – Old acquaintance of Glim that Glim fantasized about.

Selza Trina – Old acquaintance of Glim

Orros Gamop – Old acquaintance of Glim

Captain Drake – Lady knight in charge of the mission. And no, you can not call her on her cell phone.

Rowan Da Gray – a guard

Bryce Casbo – Right Hand Man To Captain Drake

Thomas Torbj – The Other Right Hand Man to Captain Drake. Has a daughter known as Brig, who may or may not have cancer. Different guards will tell you different things about Brig’s health conditions. The guards with the fancy dancy high end metals will tell you that she’s fine, but the guard named Gengoo with the bronze medal will tell you Brig has full blown super cancer.

Locations of Interest

Alarak Tap House – After serving as the highlord of the “Tal’darim” and allying himself with the “Daelaam” against the dark forces of Amon, Alarak has settled down in the city of Tentra to offer the best brews seen throughout all of Protoss Space. Drink the finest drinks on this side of the Koprulu Sector, rich with terrazine gas and the blood of the Tal’darim enemy. Only at Alarak’s Tap House.

Grim Patron: “…Wait, your drinks are made with the blood of your enemies?”
Alarak: “Yes, but that is irrelevant. What is relevant is the great low prices for such great low tastes!”

What Our Mission Is For the Next Campaign

The Boys will go out and do Oceans 4.

Swindler’s List

The session – The players’ souls and brain power.

The Short Notes

Thirteen and Edgar, before heading out for their part of the plan, gave Astor 1,108 gold to cover the knock scrolls and the cost to pay Glim’s assistants and ingredients. Glim, meanwhile, starts prepping his poison.

Thirteen and Edgar head on out.

Home Team

Glim thinks about the people he used to know in the alchemy guild or whatever his strange life used to be. He knows that his colleagues, Bilcorn Locus, Selza Trina, and Orros Gamop, would all be willing to work under the table. Glim then fantasizes about Astor traveling to Bilcorn’s residence to seek his assistance. Upon arriving, Bilcorn lets Astor in and tells him the rate at which he will work, which happens to be 3 gold per shift. When told about the shady aspect of the deal, Bilcorn wanted more money, so Astor was all like, “Fuck you. I want haggle. It’s 3 gold per hour or nothing!” But you see, the joke is, the original price was 3 gold per shift. A shift is every 4 hours, so Astor actually QUADRUPLED the payment. Upon learning his mistake, Astor quickly corrected himself by offering 9 gold per shift. And then they fucked. Hardcore, super graphic Gnome on halfling gay-ass, butt fucking sex.

Glim then snaps out of fantasizing about Astor and Bilcorn’s wild sexcapades and realized that this poison will need a lot more then 3 helpers and decides to not include his colleagues. Almost as if he remembered he left the Alchemist Guild for a reason. That reason was everyone else were complete dickweeds. Or probably cause Glim blew something up or was doing illegal drug trades with minors. I would actually write down the real reason he is no longer a part of the guild, but you know, that would actually require Glim’s character and backstory to actually be put on the wiki, but apparently SOME DIVINE ASSHOLE IS TOO FUCKING LAZY!

Away Team

Thirteen and Edgar had a nice safe trip, except they ended up hearing some assholes having an argument. A very large argument. Rude names were being called too. Also some basic math that even a kindergartner could do, but somehow they weren’t capable of doing such things. Turns out, it was an ettin with two heads. So Thirteen and Edgar did the one thing they knew how to do; fuck up this ettin by slashing swords in kneecaps and shoving blades up the poopchute.

They continued with their travel.

Home Team

…How does dilution work? Like, if the team would put the poison in the food, how exactly does that work? Many questions were asked, but no answers were given. Home team finally decides to do all the math at this point, but it’s ok as Thirteen and Edgar preemptively gave Astor the needed gold determined by this math before heading out, CAUSE HA! Fuck you time! Also, maybe, just maybe, math should now be done in-between sessions as this session came to a complete and total stop for 2 and a half hours.


The assassin guild is 6 gold per shift, and will work two shift a day. They will do additional shifts, but will charge 8 gold per addition shift. Assuming we don’t charge overtime, and the base cost of materials for 20 poisons, it will be a grand total of 3,024 gold.

The two available merc groups are both reliable and known to sticking to contract, but one is better skilled than the other. It was determined that the “Bandit group size” would be anywhere from 6 to 12 people, with the cheapest option being 2 gold per person per day, but 2 times the total payment if the merc would die. When asked about the weaker power level of the merc, it was stated that they may be able to take on a kobold, but not guaranteed. Oh, B. T. Dubs. The weaker merc group is known as “The Fodder,” a mercenary group exclusively made up of Kobolds.

So, if you hire one person for seven days, its 14 gold. for nine days, its 18 gold. The group decides to hire 10 kobolds, so 140 or 180 gold.

P.S. The cost of mercs double in cost per challenge rating step. Kobolds are at a CR of 1/8 and cost 2 gold. so a CR of 1/4 would be 4, 1/2 would be 8, CR 1 would be 16, and so on and so. So a Merc of CR 10 would be 8,192 gold a day. Somehow, someway, the gang will find a way to abuse this.

Each knock scroll can be gotten at a discount of 410 per scroll, for a total of 1230.


180 gold for mercs.

1230 for scrolls.

3024 for base materials and labors.

4434 for a successful heist.

4435 gold reward to make profit!

Also Glim now heads out day 12 instead of day 11 or whatever to get the extra shifts for poison making.

Home Team

Astor finally does his part of scouting the mountain path, but first he hires two kobold mercs to go with him, just in case something goes down. And oh man, did something go down, and that something was Astor. He got bit and knocked out by a sabertooth tiger. Luckily, good ol CR 1/8s fucked that tiger up. Thats right folks. two 1/8s did what a CLVL of 5 could not. So, if a CR is meant for 4 players, that puts Astors CR at 5/4, which is still 10 times grater than single kobold, which means these kobolds are FUCKING JACKED! So Astor did the smart thing, and he paid them “double.” He really only paid an extra 10 gold….

Thou art I… And I am thou…
Thou hast established a new bond…

It Brings thee closer to the truth…

Thou shalt be blessed when scamming
Kobolds of the Fodder Arcana…

>Astor has established the Kobold Fodder Social Link of the Fodder Arcana!
>Astor may now spend Monir Points on influencing the world in a Kobold-Positive Nature.
>Kobold Fodder Mercenaries determination in battle has been enhanced…
>Kobold Fodder Mercenaries can now finish a battle after you take a mortal blow in battle!

Astor, now a Kobold Justice Warrior (KJW), finish scouting the area and heads back to the city to check on Glim. Along the way, he notices a group of guards leaving an inn. Astor marks one of the 15ish guards to find out which direction the guards are heading for the day ( they are heading back in the direction into the hills).

Astor is back in Kadena by day 9.

The Away Team

They rest for the night after arriving at their location. They go find Peter Mistspitter, their guard on the inside. Along the way they talk to a couple of guards to see if they can get in on the escorting mission, noting that there are currently six wagons, which creates are being loaded into. The guards tell the boys to talk with Captain Drake, who is currently located at the mansion, if they want to try and get in on the mission, but the mansion is super super guarded. So it would be best to catch her when she goes to the inn. Edgar, disguised as Barnibus, is all like, “Yo, I heard my boy Peter is here, where he at?” The guard, who is known as Rowin Da Gray, tells him that Peter is at the stables.

At the the stables, Peter is taking care of the horses while talking with a couple of guards. Thirteen uses his mind talking powers to calmly tell Peter to come over to Edgar, which Peter instantly fucks up and very nervously approaches rather than calmly. 0 for 1 so far Pete. Edgar/Barnibus has a “loud” talk with Peter, acting all buddy buddy from college and establishes a narrative that its been so long they should go and talk privately. When talking all private and quite like, MB spills the beans to Mistspitter about his part in the grand plan and to get any info out of Pete. Specifically the route and guard numbers, which only the captain and her two right hand men know the route.

Pete mentions that the guard count sits at 20 guards, with 10 hired hands, and even more are coming. They will be leaving a good number of guards behind at the mansion to protect the rest of the family, but the exact number he does not know.

Edgar notes that Peter is 5’7". Oh, also, Peter may or may not be a KJW. Ok, he totally is. A point was spent. Kobolds will have their day in the sun.

Edgar and Thirteen tell Peter that they will see him in six days from now, at the stables at noon so that he can tell us specific information closer to the set off date, and it will be disguised as Edgar/Barnibus telling his old friend good bye as we leave.

The information we want is the exact guard count going with the caravan, which route, the total number of wagons, and then, if he can, which wagon has the good stuff, what time they plan on eating their dinners, and any info on this “new pet.”

Also, we are staying at an inn called Alarak Tap House.


GOING into Day9!

Astor is in Kadena.
Edgar and Thirteen are in Tentra.
Glim is working with his workers to make the poison.

Day 11 is when Thirteen and Edgar will get info out of Peter.

Day 12 is when Glim (and Astor and the mercs?) will leave Kadena.

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